I'm sad. It makes me sad. 

That's how I feel about leaving public education. I'm sad because the state of public education is sad. So sad that I would rather get paid less and work a retail job than return to the classroom. I'm sad because I loved what I was doing and I was really good at it. I just couldn't do it anymore. 

Between the disrespect from the students and the parents, the lack of support from admin, parents, and the community, and the disruptive behavior and violence exhibited by students I just couldn't do it anymore. 

I once heard that to "make it" as a teacher you have to accept that you will never make a big difference, only a small difference and to "survive" you have to keep that in mind. Make a small difference. 

After much reflection I think that's where I went wrong. I don't know how to do small. I don't know how to think small, dream small, or love small. I overdid it, like many other areas in my life, it's what I do. My willingness to go above and beyond was taken advantage of but after giving everything I was still never enough. I couldn't draw boundaries and take care of myself. While I want to blame it all on the systemic failures, that the disrespect, the violence, the lack of support that pushed me out it is also how I couldn't be enough for me. I really went all in and it all came crashing down with a mental breakdown that landed me in the hospital. It came down to -- do I want the kids to be happy or do I want to be happy? I chose me.

It still feels wrong, it still hurts, I still feel selfish and like I failed but I really had to do it. I loved teaching but teaching didn't love me back. It became toxic for me. It would've consumed me and destroyed me. 

I am also left with will it ever get better? It being the public education system. Will my children be okay in it? Will I ever be able to go back?

I think three things need to happen to fix public education. 

1.) Pay them. It's a given.

Pay teachers what they're worth. As a teacher in Florida I was paid $1,586 per paycheck after taxes, which amounts to about $38K per year after taxes. That sounds like enough sure, but when you factor in that to do a good job teaching it requires putting in a solid 50 hours a week. With the coaching that I did, during season I was pushing 60-65 hours a week. I was only making $14 per hour at the end of the day. I was also spending about $100-200 a month on supplies and incentives. It just wasn't enough to survive and thrive on. We could factor in benefits and of course Summers off but I was lucky enough to end my teaching career in a county that paid for my medical health insurance -- not all do. Several neighboring counties charge $200-300 per paycheck for health insurance. In regards to Summers off all teachers choose to have money taken out each paycheck or elect to receive the money upfront and not receive a paycheck for 7-8 weeks. I would personally prefer to take my vacation when I chose to, but I couldn't afford a vacation anyways - I like many teachers needed to work over the Summer.

Pay teachers more. It's only the future they're shaping and you get what you pay for!

2.) Respect them. It starts at home. 

It's wild how I was spoken to in the classroom as a teacher and on the field as a coach. Almost weekly my job was threatened by a parent or even an 11 year old. Working in retail. Even on my worst day. It's still not even close to the level of disrespect I underwent as a teacher and coach.

The unsafe behaviors were also astounding. From running in the hallway, pushing and shoving, to engaging in fist fights, the unsafe behaviors escalated dramatically in my 7 years as a teacher. Class changes became crowd control, keeping 28 kids in their seats and not running around the classroom bumping, falling, tripping and crashing into other kids was an every class period occurrence, just keeping kids safe became a challenge.

Why didn't you call home? The most upsetting part was how the accountability all fell on me, the teacher. I did call home, and email and send letters... I rarely got a response. If I did it was best case scenario, "we'll have a talk" with no change in behavior from the student. The worst case scenario was to be blamed. The "well, why didn't you stop the fight?" or even better "what did you do to provoke my kid to say that?" was very real. I wouldn't want to hear about my child misbehaving either. It's embarrassing, shameful and just awkward to deal with.

Placing blame on teachers though for the disrespect and unsafe behaviors -- it's why they're leaving in droves.

3.) Support them. We need it all around.

I'm convinced the only reason there are teachers that are still in the classroom is they feel somewhat supported. The only reason I lasted as long as I did is I had some great administrators and great parents supporting me in the classroom and on the field. My final straw and reason for leaving though was that I no longer felt supported by my administration and parents. The ones that blamed me, the teacher and coach, for everything that went wrong and that I was never enough for finally outweighed the ones that had my back and offered support.

This is the most critical thing that we need to provide for teachers and coaches. I consider it to be like customer service -- it doesn't cost any money, it doesn't take too much effort or time, but it can make or break a teacher's experience.

If you've made it this far consider offering a kind word to your child's teacher in an email, a text or a hand-written note. If you want to really make a teacher's day send them a Starbucks gift card. I haven't met a teacher that wouldn't appreciate that. If you don't have any school-aged children you can always show your support by reaching out to your former teachers to let them know the impact they had on your life. If you are a student show that you support your teachers by appreciating them.

To keep our teachers from leaving we must -- pay them, respect them, support them.